Five Halloween costumes to retire until further notice

And now, because we’re all still recovering from inhaling those tequila shots from straws through our masks, a brief list to sum up Pumpkin Day ’08:

5.) That beer keg costume with the pump hat – Please; it was never that funny.

4.) Sexy nurse – Enough syringes and fishnet stockings to create a new generation of sex-fearing trypanophobes.

3.) Whore – Sure, we all love seeing scantily clad women traipsing about in public. But you know that feeling you get when you’ve had a bit too much to drink and you’re stuck with no cash at the strip club just before dawn, surrounded by leering, dirty old men and entirely too much silicone and flailing cellulite limbs? Me neither.

2.) Heath Ledger’s Joker – You could have populated the entire Village Parade with all the carrot-topped, trench-coated clowns running around. Let the man rest in peace, already.

1.) Pirate – A tempest of eyepatches, dreadlocks, hand-hooks, tri-cornered hats, tall leather boots, faux-Victorian jackets, flintlock pistols, curved sabers and Johnny-Depp-as-Keith-Richards-as-buccaneer face paint. A city can only support so many swashbucklers, in my opinion.